


Undiscovered Territory

by xDestinyIsCallingx



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Feels, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, OTP Feels, but they're not married(yet), old married spirk, set just after the undiscovered country
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 17:12:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16268717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xDestinyIsCallingx/pseuds/xDestinyIsCallingx
Summary: Spock deals with his feelings after retrieving Jim from Rura Penthe. Jim seeks him out thinking Spock merely feels guilty... but there's a little more Spock divulges than just feelings of responsibility.





	Undiscovered Territory

**Author's Note:**

> I have to admit, I like this one. I hope you like it too :)

Jim sat in his quarters feeling at last at ease, he had cleaned up and was now laid out in his bed. After finally finding the real culprit to Gorkon's assassination all charges had been dropped against him and he was once again a free man. He had realised that ever since the whole fiasco had been settled he hadn't seen Spock around. He knew that Spock blamed himself for the conduct of one of his and putting Jim in peril but he didn't blame him, not even a little. He wondered if he'd find Spock now or if he would have retired. Well, no harm in trying, he thought to himself. Jim grabbed his jacket and went in search for Spock.

Spock looked out to the stars that passed as the ship sailed through them. Many thoughts passed that Spock was contemplating in that moment. One was his feelings on causing Jim's imprisonment. One of his very own had framed him and he had been too, what? Proud?Prejudiced? Whatever it had been it had almost cost Jim's and McCoy's lives. He also realised that his feelings concerning Jim were much more than mere friendship, almost losing him due to his complacency made that clear to him and after so many years of almost knowing it, having it peek it's head whenever Spock's fear for Jim's life let it show, he was still unable to fully express it. Yes, even after everything, since he had returned from Vulcan not so many years ago, he couldn't bring himself to open himself to that extent. Jim was a force to be reckoned with, brighter than the sun and a most fascinating being more than any he had encountered. His mind was dynamic and even as a Vulcan he was at a loss to keep up with his erratic way of thinking. Of course over time they had formed a partnership that performed like clockwork, they didn't even need to use words most times to communicate what they were thinking, they were always, if not almost always, on the same wave length.

Spock stood there thinking about Jim now lying in his quarters and the conversation they had had earlier. Jim kneeling before him, pressing his hand to Spock's face. Spock applying more pressure to the touch, to feel closer after being separated. He clutched his hands tightly behind his back. Spock caught his reflection in the glass of the observatory. He examined his aged features, the lines, the jaw not as defined as it used to be, he was getting older and even though he was the same age as Jim in human years as a Vulcan he still had far more years left passed the average human life span. Either way, they were both much older and growing more so, would he really never allow himself the intimacy he craved with Jim? Why was there still resistance inside him? Was it still his Vulcan tendency to resist, to remain the stoic, unaffected Vulcan he had spent years perfecting? Suddenly the sound of the doors opening behind him broke him from his thoughts. Jim. Spock knew who it was immediately.

"I thought I might find you here." The light from the corridor caused Jim's shadow to move closer to Spock as he entered. It vanished when the doors closed again, darkness encompassing him once again.

"Indeed." Spock did not tear his gaze away from the stars. Jim hung back and then slowly moved closer, also looking outward, hands behind his back, the perfect mirror to Spock.

"Something on your mind?" Jim asked still not looking at Spock.

Spock stayed standing still and facing forward. "Nothing of consequence."

Jim sighed. He knew that wasn't true. "Spock." He turned to him. "Are you still holding yourself responsible for Valeris's actions?"

Spock did not respond.

"Spock. It wasn't your fault." Jim sighed at Spock's insistence to not reply. "You know Spock if you're not careful you're going to start becoming like me. Self blame is sort of my thing." That didn't get a reaction out of him either. Jim dropped his shoulders and turned his head to the stars again wondering if he should give up trying to coax Spock into talking.

"Your safety... is very important to me, Jim. I could not live with the knowledge of being the cause of your demise."

Jim looked at Spock, surprised but relieved he was talking.

"Spock, I know that it's hard to accept that one of your own could betray you. It would be for anyone but she acted on her own initiative. You-"

"That-- is not what concerns me any longer."

"Oh. Well, what is it then? Spock you can tell me."

"I- Jim, you are what concerns me."

"Me?" Jim said surprised. "Why?"

"Recent events have put my... feelings regarding you into perspective. And I find I am at odds with myself."

Jim's eyes widened and he felt heat creep up his face. He cleared his throat. He didn't know what to say, he hadn't expected that kind of response. Spock finally tore himself away from staring into space and looked at Jim.

"Jim... my feelings for you... are unquestionable in their earnestness."

Jim swallowed thickly. He wouldn't have dreamed in his life time that Spock would confess like this.

"Spock. What brought this on? I mean, why now? You said recent events. We've been in dire situations before. What makes this time different?"

Spock took a step closer, but no further. "The only difference now than from every other time is that I am speaking my feelings aloud. I must at the very least tell you of my real feelings."

Jim's heart beat a little faster, he took a step forward, raising a hand but Spock stepped back. Jim's brow furrowed. "What's wrong? Do you need me to say it too? Because I feel the same way, I do. Spock, I lo-"

Spock held up a hand. "Please. Don't say it."

Jim shut his mouth, even more confused. "Why?"

Spock took a steadying breath. "I cannot reciprocate ."

Jim was feeling more lost by the minute. "You just said that you had _earnest_ feelings for me. I just told you I felt the same. How is that not recip-" Jim suddenly knew what Spock meant as he saw the pleading in the Vulcan's eyes.

Spock was trying to tell him that even if they shared the same feelings, Spock couldn't give Jim what he wanted from a relationship.

"Jim. Understand my feelings are real but you know what I am. I cannot give you what you want. A relationship with a Vulcan is... different. You know that. My Vulcan side is- will always guard against me fully indulging in my human desires."

Jim's heart ached. "Oh Spock. Would it be so catastrophic to let me in" Jim approached Spock slowly, looking up at him openly,"... to give in?"

Spock was on the edge of his resolve, Jim was offering him something he'd tried to deny, had convinced himself was one-sided. Jim reached up and traced Spock's face tenderly with his fingers causing Spock's eyes to flutter shut. When Jim's fingers grazed his lip something in Spock snapped. Suddenly, Jim found himself crowded up against a column, his back and nearly his head hitting it as Spock pinned him and proceeded to ravage Jim's mouth leaving him breathless. Jim's mind short-circuited and he hardly had time to respond before Spock pulled back, but only fractionally. Spock's eyes were darker than Jim had ever seen them and just beyond them a barely concealed ardour. Spock looked down at Jim and, with a gravelly voice, answered belatedly, "Fatal."

Jim sucked in a breath and nodded. "Right." Jim's voice came out a bit higher than he had intended. He cleared his throat. "Yes, I see. Well, Spock perhaps we could discuss this..." He gestured between them. "thing between us in a little more depth in the privacy of our quarters."

Spock's gaze had turned now, Jim noticed, more vulnerable. Jim smiled softly and cupped his face. "Come on. We've got plenty of time until we return to star base to talk things out. I think you'll find you're more capable than you give yourself credit for when it comes to expressing... feelings."

Spock gave Jim one of his rare, almost smiles which Jim knew meant a lot more than what people took it for at face value. Spock placed a hand over Jim's on his face. "I shall endeavour to try... for you."

"That's all it takes, Mister Spock." Jim took Spock's hand and led him from the observatory and to his quarters. Spock still felt apprehensive but maybe the hardest part was over, maybe what he had harboured for so long that was now returned would bring him peace like he'd never known. Now that Jim knew he wondered why he hadn't told him earlier, something told him that all those times before he wouldn't have been ready. He was sure of one thing now as Jim held his hand and they walked the corridor's of the Enterprise to his quarters, that he was venturing into something he had never experienced before. He felt Jim's happiness through their joined hands in that moment and he realised that mixed with his apprehension was happiness too and suddenly he wasn't that alarmed of the unknown but strangely eager to see where this would go.


End file.
